Therapy is a team effort, and to use a tired cliche, " you get as much out as you put in".
BE COMMITTED TO A RESOLUTION
Even if you are having trouble agreeing at this point, at least agree to commit to working on a solution/resolution regarding the future of your relationship by going to regular therapy session and being as present as possible while you are there. You can commit to a certain amount of time, I usually suggest 3-6 mos where nobody threatens to leave, you do any homework assignments suggested and pay close attention you becoming familiar with your own process..(triggers, etc)
BE WILLING TO TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOR
The joke with couple's counselors is that folks come in wanting us to change their partner. What needs to change is individual's awareness of thier own emotional needs and those of their partner....that is most effectively done by learning good communications skills. Most of us didn't learn that growing up and it's an invaluable skill that can serve is well for a lifetime
There's a great formula for beginning to understand feelings and deal with them in a productive way....we have layers of emotions...and this is a good thing to remember: UNDER ANGER IS GRIEF....sadness at loss. The loss could be a big life changing one or just a whole lot of little ones built on top of each other. UNDER GRIEF IS AN UNMET NEED.....so much of the time we are not aware of our deepest emotonal and spiritual needs. As a result, we often lash out in anger or sink into depression. So, an easy way to work with yourself when you are feeling out of balance is to simply sit, breathe deeply and ask what is my unmet need....and, how can i see that need gets met.
These are the things that can fascilitate good therapy and healthy relationships no matter the form or definition of the relationship. Having an objective, non-judgemental guide to walk with you thru this process in invaluable. ..Edit your page content